There are some moments of Mommyhood that I call defining moments.
They are moments when everything you stand for and believe in, moments when everything you put your energies into, are suddenly on the edge.
When all you live for is about to tumble down on your head.
If you’ve had any of these type of heart pulling and nerve wracking moments, you’ll know what I’m reffering to.
Which brings me to adorable little boy #3, my 4.5 year old. He’s a charmer. Big puppy eyes, always happy, always having fun. He’s had a total of 3 tantrums in all his toddler years. He’s the life of the party. Ok, he’s also mischievous, rambunctious and at times a downright troublemaker.
It was because of this charming little boy that I installed a chain lock high up on my front door; he was a runner. In simple English that means, if the door opened, he was down the block. Laughing and squealing, of course. He was the only one of my kids (so far!) that pushed me to strongly consider buying one of those kiddy leashes. Truth be told, even a dog leash. But as I said, a charmer indeed. And he has helped me reach many a defining moment, with the most recent taking place last week.
I came to pick up my little guys from an after school activity. All the kids were having fun. Moms were hanging around talking.
And then it happened.
Right in front of everyone’s eyes.
Sweet little two year old girl was standing minding her own business. And rambunctious 4.5 year old squealed by swinging his lunch bag. And I saw the glint in his eye. It’s a .01 second spark that those in tune with it (like me) can pick up on, but can’t sop in time.
And then he did it.
He. Hit. Little. Girly. On. The. Head. With. His. Lunchbag.
In. Front. Of. All. The. Moms.
I saw it. So did the other moms. I couldn’t defend him. I couldn’t deny it. And I couldn’t disappear, either.
If it was someone else’s kid, sure I’d know how to react. I’d laugh it off to the mom and tell her not to sweat it, kids are kids. I’d swoop up my little girl and sympathize that her head got a bit of a bang. And I’d reassure her that no, lunch bags are not for hitting. The little boy made a wrong choice.
But that wasn’t the side of the coin I was on at the moment. I was on the wrong side.
There I stood, in my defining moment. As a mom, As an adult. As a friend. As a person.
All the pages of the mommy books swam before my eyes, all my life experience as a mommy rushed through my head, and there I stood; little girly screaming, mischievous boy waiting for mommy to react and all the moms very un-casually half watching.
What now? Look the other moms in the eye and smile? Frown and admit failure?
Quite the humbling moment, watching your own kid starting the trouble.
And then I got myself together. It was a defining moment. A moment that defined my love for my adorable and rambunctious 4.5 year old.
A moment that allowed me to take him by the hand and lead him away calmly, but not to be angry at him.
A moment to understand him, love him, admonish him, discipline him and hug him, all at the same time.
Certainly a defining moment of the paradoxical relationships that comes along with the wonders and joys of Mommyhood.