Little Yellow Notepad

“Magtile!” Screams my almost two year old.

“Magna-tiles!!” Shouts my three year old.

“Where are the rest?” Chimes in my 5 year old.

And I know my game is over; it’s time to pull them out of the garage, where I had them so nicely hidden. And I can’t help but wonder how the stray one showed up in the kitchen.

Because the truth is, I hate magna-tiles.

There, I said it.

Magna-tiles drive me crazy.

Continue reading “Mom Review: What they don’t tell you about Magna-Tiles” →

There’s something they forget to tell you about in childbirth classes. Nineteen years after finishing that exhilarating and exciting class, the omission is  becoming more and more glaring. It’s called TEENAGERS. They forget to tell you that the little adorable baby that you will soon hold  will keep growing and then tower over you. That this little baby wrapped up so comfortably inside of you won’t fit in your lap forever. That these little beings that you carry around for 9 months, the ones you give your body and sleep away to, will have no memories of this and will never feel the gratitude that you think should be coming to you. And they don’t tell you that even though you teach them life skills and watch them develop each day, behold; teenage hood arrives. And they’re no longer actively looking for your guidance at every move and slowly they forget that you’re the one who got them there to begin with.

In just a few days my fifth child joins the four older siblings in Planet Teenagers.. I watch in awe; so humbled to be the mother of these big kids, so proud of each of their accomplishments and so exhausted from trying to figure them out. 

When I look at my teens, I see a newborn, a toddler, a child and teen all morphed into one. And I find it challenging to remember that in their eyes, they only see adult. 

They talk a different language, they march to a different beat. It’s absolutely amazing how they can make you love them to pieces and drive you crazy, all at the same time. 

And what makes things even more interesting, is simultaneously parenting toddlers and teens. When everyone is home, my heart is bursting with love and joy, while wishing that my brain had a 5x speed option, to keep up with everyone’s needs.

“What’s for lunch? I’m starving!”

“Anything good to eat for breakfast?”

“Can I get the car keys?”

“He broke my Lego tower!!”

“Ahhh she just spilled the whole bowl on the floor!!”

“Which credit card can I use at Target?”

“He took my markers!”

“Can you check what I added to the Amazon cart? I need it asap.”

“We’re out of sriracha! We must get sriracha!”

(I don’t even know if that last one the five year old or the 15 year old, it can definitely be both.)

All ages and stages, a mix of topics and needs from changing diapers to kids who drive, all going on at once. It’s exhilarating, it’s exhausting  and it’s the best type of hectic.

When everyone is home and I walk into the kitchen, it’s hard to know what time of day it is. Every meal is simultaneously being served, depending what time that child woke up. Eggs are frying on the stove, someone is making pizza in the Betty Crocker, the sandwich maker is going and something is in the oven. Remnants of someone making sushi are noticeable on the counter and the noise level is loud.

There’s a tangle of wires on the counter as phones, AirPods, mp3s and battery packs are being charged. 

“Why do the little kids stay up so late?!” My big teens want to know. “We went to sleep much earlier! Why do you let them stay up?!”

“Because you guys didn’t have big siblings keeping you up!” How to explain to these big little adult teen kids that they have changed the nature of our home, that they have changed my life and most importantly, they have changed me. For the better.

What is it about the word “bedtime” that makes kids hungry?

I really believe kids are hardwired that way; the bedtime circuit is somehow intertwined with the hunger trigger and they just work as a team. And I’m talking full-blown-hunger hungry. The type that a kid will even eat a banana, which they always vehemently say they hate, but suddenly it’s tantalizing at the mention of getting ready for bed. They’re so famished they’d probably even eat kale or spinach. It’s true that kids today are different than they used to be, but not when it comes to bedtime.

When a friend shared with me a clip titled “Bedtime will never be the same after following this advice!” I was all ears.

“The reason your kids don’t want to go to sleep at night is because they have so little time with their parents, being in school all day and only an hour or two free in the evening! So of course they don’t want to go to sleep; that means they won’t see you for another 11-12 hours!” With a big smile on her face, this (self proclaimed?) sleep specialist continued with her brilliance. “The solution is simple! Spend the last hour before bedtime completely focused on your kids, give them everything they need and fill them up with your love, and then they’ll be ready for bed!” There was a look of triumph on her face. Considering that there were no bags under her eyes, I’m not even sure she’s ever been through a bedtime routine.

Noooooooo, I wasn’t going to take this one. Not everything in life can be blamed on incorrect parenting. Even if she said she was a sleep specialist, whatever that means. Because here’s the thing, after putting multiple kids to sleep daily for over 18 years straight, I think I win the title of sleep specialist too. Probably even more specialist than this self proclaimed specialist. And I completely disagreed with her.

I even had evidence to back it up. Coming after two solid months of mommy camp, spending all day with my kids, taking them places and hanging out with them ALL DAY – bedtime is still bedtime. It’s simply in the Secret Book of Kids Rules that bedtime is a time to be hungry and thirsty and ask a lot of questions. It’s like a chemical response to putting on pajamas.

I know, there’s probably another specialist out there who will challenge me and say, “Well were you fully present with your kids? Completely and totally present and not distracted?!” More mother guilt. What does completely present look like? Not just watching them play Lego, but should a mother be sitting IN the Lego bin? 

Here’s the thing; we are what we call ourselves. And I’m a specialist. I’m the Grossbaum Family Specialist. And here’s the amazing thing; my husband is a Grossbaum Family Specialist too! So dear sleep specialist, your advice is nice theoretical advice, but I know my clients and I’m their specialist. And even better than that; I was exclusively chosen as my clients’ specialist and so was my co-specialist. Hashem chose me as the best mother for my children, and my husband was chosen as the best father. We are the greatest influencers our children will ever have.

To my fellow mother-turned-sleep-specialists out there, overloaded with guilt inducing advice from everywhere – don’t forget, you know your clients best. You are their specialist. And if your kids are starving at bedtime or suddenly need to know exactly how airplanes fly, it just means that they are normal, healthy kids who will fall asleep eventually. Hang in there.

I sit up straight in my seat and hold my breath. I don’t move a muscle as my blood pressure rises and my body fills with dread. And then I hear the words again, clear as can be and there’s no mistaking. It is what I feared.

“Let’s build a tent! Let’s get our blankets and pillows and make a tent!”

The announcement is followed by cheers and a chorus of enthusiastic yays as the six brothers run off to get their gear.

And my motherly instinct is exploding. I do not want a tent! I’ve had too many shabbos tent building experiences in the past 18 years that I know the future; this will end with many little people crying. It’s hard to predict who will be the first, but I definitely know there will be tears.

Continue reading “Let’s build a tent…” →