Little Yellow Notepad

There’s something they forget to tell you about in childbirth classes. Nineteen years after finishing that exhilarating and exciting class, the omission is becoming more and more glaring. It’s called TEENAGERS. They forget to tell you that the little adorable baby that you will soon hold will keep growing and then tower over you. That this little baby wrapped up so comfortably inside of you won’t fit in your lap forever. That these little beings that you carry around for 9 months, the ones you give your body and sleep away to, will have no memories of this and will never feel the gratitude that you think should be coming to you. And they don’t tell you that even though you teach them life skills and watch them develop each day, behold; teenage hood arrives. And they’re no longer actively looking for your guidance at every move and slowly they forget that you’re the one who got them there to begin with.

What is it about the word “bedtime” that makes kids hungry?

I really believe kids are hardwired that way; the bedtime circuit is somehow intertwined with the hunger trigger and they just work as a team. And I’m talking full-blown-hunger hungry. The type that a kid will even eat a banana, which they always vehemently say they hate, but suddenly it’s tantalizing at the mention of getting ready for bed. They’re so famished they’d probably even eat kale or spinach. It’s true that kids today are different than they used to be, but not when it comes to bedtime.

I sit up straight in my seat and hold my breath. I don’t move a muscle as my blood pressure rises and my body fills with dread. And then I hear the words again, clear as can be and there’s no mistaking. It is what I feared.

“Let’s build a tent! Let’s get our blankets and pillows and make a tent!”

The announcement is followed by cheers and a chorus of enthusiastic yays as the six brothers run off to get their gear.

And my motherly instinct is exploding. I do not want a tent! I’ve had too many shabbos tent building experiences in the past 18 years that I know the future; this will end with many little people crying. It’s hard to predict who will be the first, but I definitely know there will be tears.