I sit up with a start.
I had just put my baby back into his crib after nursing and I was almost asleep when the thought jolted me awake.
I can’t believe I forgot.
Oh no, oh no, I can’t believe it!
I forgot to send my daughter with her sweater.
I mean, she did have a sweater. Her heavy sweater. But I had put it in her luggage.
And at that very moment, she was taking a red eye flight to camp in Toronto and her sweater is in her luggage.
What if she’s cold on the airplane?!
Oh, how could I do that?? How can I send her on the plane without her sweater?!
I glance at my husband, fast asleep and oblivious to my realization.
I look at the clock. It’s 3:07 am.
I consider waking him to tell him my realization, but then decided against it.
There isn’t much he could do about it, either.
She’s on the plane.
It’s a red eye flight.
She’s flying as a minor.
And she must be so cold!
I’m sure the kind stewardess gave her a blanket.
Yes, she for sure got a blanket.
So she’s not cold.
It’s OK that I put the sweater in her suitcase.
I can go back to sleep now.
Just when I start feeling relaxed, I realize I only sent her heavy sweater.
Why didn’t I send the light sweater too?!
She took her rain jacket.
It rains a lot in camp, so that will be good.
The heavy sweater will be useful, but only if it’s real cold.
But what if it’s cool enough for a sweater but not that cold for a heavy sweater and it’s not raining so a rain jacket would be annoying…oh why didn’t I pack the regular sweater?!
My husband is still sleeping soundly.
I consider waking him up again, but decide it’s not urgent enough.
I take deep breaths and try to relax, and finally fall into a troubled sleep, dreaming about wet sweaters and rain jackets.
After the 37th time I check the camp website, pictures are finally up!
I race through them and finally find my daughter with her bunk. She looks happy!
She’s wearing her rain jacket.
I guess it’s raining. I’m so glad she has her rain jacket.
But then I notice the rest of the girls in her bunk.
They are wearing sweaters.
Regular sweaters, not heavy ones.
Oh no, I should’ve sent her regular one! It probably wasn’t cold enough for the heavy one so she wore her rain jacket instead. Ugh, how uncomfortable!
Wait, maybe it’s raining and she’s the only lucky one with a rain jacket and everyone else is stuck with a wet sweater. Maybe!
Yes, that must be it. I relax.
Finally, calling day! 11:30 am she calls.
Oh, there’s so many questions to ask!
But I tell her I won’t ask any questions; just tell me everything you can in these precious 5 minutes.
She tells me all the important and not so important happenings.
And then I can’t hold myself back anymore; I need to ask.
“Were you cold on the plane?”
“I was freezing! It was so cold!”
“Did they give you a blanket?”
I hold my breath.
“No, there was no blanket. But I slept anyway.”
My heart drops. She was cold! Freezing! How could I do this to her?!
And then she launches into the details of yesterday’s trip to rollerskating and all the other things they’ve done at camp.
That was it.
She wasn’t traumatized for life.
Maybe now is a good time to start facing reality that as they get older, I need to stop micro managing and instead let my kids grow up.
Maybe now is a good time to practice letting go.