Category: Life in General

Just about every friend out there has one. And If you’re one of the few who doesn’t, I’m sure you go to sleep at night feeling like you’re the only one out there who can’t get it all together.

Well, I was  one of the inadequate few who didn’t have the Facebook-worthy photo to brag about; until about a month ago.

Truthfully, I’m usually on top of the annual family photo and we do it every summer. But although it was 18 months later, and there was a new member of the family since then, I still recalled the details of that photo shoot too vividly. Kids running in all directions, bribes, threats and finally plea bargaining…

We had gotten our Facebook worthy photo and left, with a silent promise that the next family photo would be at my oldest son’s wedding (he was 7!).

Well, that all changed last month.

I was feeling the pressure; we needed a family photo. And an outdoor one at that. Besides for the beauty of the outdoors, a bonus would be that we wouldn’t be disturbing other families (whose kids were always so well behaved!) from their photo session.

So we set a time and place, a darling pond across the street from my home; and a dear, talented, photographer friend offered to take our photo.

Picture day arrived. All was going well until it was time to get dressed. I gave all the boys their required white shirt/denim pants. Within two minutes, they were dressed and ready to go.

And then it was time to tell my daughter what she’d wear. I had it all worked out. With just me and her as the girl team, I chose clothing we had similar. It would be so cute! Apparently, she didn’t think it was cute.

She chose that moment to give me a prelude to her teenage years.  After all, the boots I suggested were so uncomfortable. The skirt was too straight, she couldn’t run in it. (You’re not supposed to run while taking family photos!!) The shirt was her least favorite. The socks were itchy. And the bow pulled at her hair.

And there I found myself once again bribing, begging and plea bargaining…

My Facebook-worthy photo was crumbling before my very own eyes.

I compromised…and compromised…and compromised…reminding myself that this was a battle not worth fighting.

And off we went to meet the rest of the crew. They were already assembled at the pond. A quick team meeting; laying out some rules, expectations and rewards. And then my husband and I put on determined smiles, because we were committed to making this enjoyable.

The photographer told everyone to smile, and two of them frowned.

He said everyone lean in, and one leaned out.

Everyone hands around each other, and three ducked out of the photo.

Everyone look at the camera, and the baby looked the other way.

And then they wandered off to throw pebbles in the pond. I was sure one of them would end up in the pond.

But they were having fun!

We tried a walking photo. Not much interest.

A running photo – that went over well.

The kids were clearly done. Our photographer assured me he had some good shots.

They went back to running. Through the grass and up the hill. And then back to throwing pebbles. Watch the camera! Careful of the equipment! But clearly they were making good memories.

And boy was I surprised when the next morning I saw an email from the photographer with a Facebook-worthy photo!

And like all good moms do, I posted it for the world to see. And I watched the likes go up. And the comments.

And marveled how easy it is to fool each other with our Facebook-worthy photos.

We all do it. We post photos that hide the reality.

If only those photos could talk and tell us the truth. What REALLY went on in those moments before and after the photo.

Now that would be posts worth reading, posts that would brighten our day!

It sounds like it’s 5 in the afternoon and all the neighborhood kids are over for a party, but it’s actually just my own kids catching up on each other’s dreams and happenings of the night that passed and its 7:01 AM.

Bleary eyed and yawning, I quickly get dressed and hear tapping on my bedroom door. It’s my 4 yr old and it sounds urgent. “Mommy, do you know what racecar spelled backwards is?!??”

This truly is urgent, at 7:03 AM no less.

“No, what is it?” I ask him, trying to sounds as enthusiastic as he sounds.

“It’s racecar!!” He squeals. Right, of course. No, I didn’t know that.  And that really IS urgent for 7:03 AM. For a 4 year old, that is!

As I finished up and headed downstairs to start the breakfast-get dressed-shoes-socks marathon, all I could think of was hmm, I never did realize that racecar spelled backwards is racecar. That really IS pretty neat. Maybe I knew it when I was 4, but it’s been long forgotten. And I thought of how excited my four year old was to share it with me.

Such an exciting discovery.

Life is so exciting and intriguing at that age; life is just fascinating. So much to see, so much to learn, so much to discover. And the truth is, it doesn’t matter how old you are; life is STILL fascinating and there is so much to learn and discover; only our minds are more muddled with other things and we don’t see it all as clearly.

In reality, we have a choice. We can choose to see life from the battered and worn place we are in or we can choose-with a bit of effort-to see it as a 4 yr old; full of opportunities of learning and growth. It’s not life that changes, it’s us as people that change.

So as I served and cleaned and wiped spills and picked up fallen spoons and answered multiple questions at the same time, while stepping over the crawling 11 month old, I turned to my four year old and with as much enthusiasm as I can find in me before my morning coffee, I told him, “Wow, I never realized racecar backwards is also racecar!!” And silently I added, “and I hope you always have the same enthusiasm for all of life’s lessons and discoveries. And I hope today I can experience that too.”

He beamed.

My ever so philosophical 9 yr old pipes up during supper; “Remember that parable of the poor man who went to the rich guys house and he chose the bell?”

“Sure, what about it?”

I knew just what he was referring to; it’s a parable loaded with life lessons. This poor guy watches in amazement as his wealthy host simply rings his bell at the dinner table and upon hearing the signal of the bell, a whole crew of waiters come out with the most splendid array of foods. When the poor man was offered to choose one thing from the rich man’s house to take home with him, the simple, poor guy choose the bell, not realizing that without the staff, food, money and preparations, no waiters would appear!

“So I did the same thing a little while ago…”  he continues.

Now I’m listening, what was this deep insight he was about to share?

“When I was at my friend’s house a couple weeks ago he had a really cool Lego ship and I asked him for the two pieces on top so I can make the same cool ship at home; I tried it a few times, and it didn’t work; I realized that those were not the pieces I needed! It was the pieces underneath that held it all together, that’s what I needed!”

So philosophical indeed.

How often do we do that; we want the end result and forget the work that leads up to it…

Be it a college degree or a clean house, nothing comes without a plan, structure and action. And same thing with fine, well established and stable adults; you can’t pre-order them, and it starts with tuning into their every needs, like listening to every last detail of the fascinating Lego dragon my 9 yr old is building; or cleaning the toothpaste off the mirror that was deliberately painted there by my budding artists of 3 and 4 yrs old…it’s all part of the same package. And when morning comes and once more everyone rushes to the breakfast table to discover that the only cereal we have is the one they all (including the 11 month old) DO NOT LIKE (I could’ve sworn they all loved it yesterday…) I’ll remind myself the lesson of the Lego and my philosophical 9 yr old’s discovery; it’s not always what you see that counts, its the layers and layers underneath that hold it all together. And that’s what I’ll try to do…hold it all together.

Comment and please share your thoughts! I’d love to hear them!