Life in General

List Maker’s Paradise

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It’s my favorite time of year. The time when all list makers shine. It’s list lover’s paradise.

It’s the few weeks before Pesach.

Little Yellow Notepads fly off the shelves like hotcakes.

It’s before the work starts. The time when all you can do is make lists. And a lot of them. One for every room. One for every day. One for every child. One for every meal. The possibilities are endless! And I bask in the glory of making precise and comprehensive lists… before reality hits and I’m reminded that I’m the one who needs to complete the myriads of tasks that I came up with.

But I’m not thinking about that yet.

Let’s talk lists. The aim of the game is divide and conquer. Divide-into lists. And conquer-get it done one list at a time.

I start with the fun ones. I make a column for each of my kids on a fresh sheet of my newest Little Yellow Notepad, that thankfully Sam’s Club sells in bulk. 

First I scan the closets; I finally give the stuff a close look; white shirts with unidentifiable marks and spots are condemned; into the trash. When my son insists it’s a “perfectly good shirt that he loves to wear!” I nod pretending to understand and casually tuck it under my arm to escort it to the land of no return. Likewise for pants with knee holes. It’s high time someone invented steel kneed pants for boys! Next I record what they need; 2 pants, 3 short sleeved shirt for boy 1, 2 shirts and undershirts for boy 2, boys 3&4 insist on wearing each other’s clothes so I have no idea what they need. And girl- well truthfully, she needs nothing, but shopping sure isn’t fun without some pink or lace or frills stuck in; a new Pesach dress it is. And the baby, I mark down what he needs too. Eventually hand-me-downs get worn out! Yarmulkas, tzitzis, socks and shoes.

List one is done!

Next I look through my print out of all my recorded notes from last year. Menus! I scan last year’s stuff and draft up proposed menus for 10 holiday meals.

Next page, we are onto quantity. List of total of each type of food I will make. I count the total tentative guests, sleepover and for meals, and do some quick math. 14 pesach brownies. 8 potato kugels. You get the idea.

I’m on a roll!

My adrenalin is running, I’m in master list mode. Time to start the lists of all shopping lists. It takes only 12 stores to get all I need! Cleaning supplies, kitchen supplies, meat, fruits, vegetables and more. An hour later, I have 12 lists made!

Volunteer list; what will I need help when preparing the community Seder for 80 people. I come up with the tasks and how many helpers I will need.

And the fun is just starting. Time for the cleaning task list.

I divide the house into groups of what needs to be done. Nothing is insurmountable. All broken down to small tasks
I can do this!

I figure out what my house cleaner can do. No, we won’t be cleaning every shelf and drawer or the ceiling; no distraction by spring cleaning. Only pesach cleaning. That means cleaning all the areas we use, feel and touch.

And the lists continue. Peeling list. How much of every fruit and veggie needs to be peeled, cut, sliced or shredded.

Guest list. Email list and phone call list.

Revise the lists. Consolidate lists.

And then my favorite. Plugging it all into the calendar. A paper calendar; for some reason my phone one isn’t as productive. Probably because its so simple to switch it off and pretend there’s nothing to be done, unlike the Little Yellow Notepad that glares when it’s ignored.

All is in place. My lists are ready.

All is divided by day. It’s all small tasks, just on some days more of them than on others. But most importantly, when I get stressed out or overwhelmed, it’s very specific. I only stress about that day’s stuff. No worrying ahead of time, I have specific days to worry about specific stuff.

But even more importantly is that I won’t get distracted. Because the truth is, when we get distracted, that’s when the stress comes in. No experimenting with recipes that aren’t on my list. That’s for a calm day in July. No cleaning boxes of keepsakes and spending hours lost in memory lane, that’s for a different day in July.

I’m exhilarated. I’ve done my dividing and when my list tells me it’s time, I’ll start to conquer!

And it really works. For anything in life. Most things are overwhelming when we have no plan. A plan is the difference of getting to the goal intact or, well, not intact. I’m a big believer of the old saying “Failing to plan is planning to fail.” It proves true every time.

So whenever my list says GO! I will start my tasks, with a firm and positive goal. A goal to enjoy Pesach, and the route I take getting there.

Life in General

The War Against The Piles

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I was waging the War Against The Piles.
 
I couldn’t take it anymore. I groaned as I came across another pile. Pile of clutter.
 
Why oh why can’t the surfaces in this house stay clear?!
 
When there is a clear surface, it lasts for a mere few minutes!
 
Pile of someone’s red raffle tickets (where did they get them from anyway?) on the the third bookshelf in the family room. Pile of someone’s marble collection on the fourth bookshelf. Pile of yet another child’s abandoned coloring sheet collection on my right kitchen counter. And there center stage on my kitchen island was a pile of Lego from the “precious pieces” collection. Someone’s coin collection hiding in another corner.
 
They each have their own storage bin, they have drawers and closets and plenty of place for their stuff. Why can’t they keep their stuff where it belongs?
 
Pile of mail. Pile of MY lists, topped with my little yellow notepad, on my left kitchen counters.  Now I feel indignant. It’s MY kitchen anyway, so that’s allowed!
 
When we moved into this house one year ago, I clearly remember looking at all the clear surfaces (before we unpacked!) and making a silent commitment to myself; this house is going to be clutter free. Pile free. Stuff free. Only necessities. Just like those photos in the Better Home magazines…miles of sparkling, clear surfaces. Clear bookshelves. Clear counters.
 
Nothing on the counter! No canisters, no ingredients, no fruit basket. Nothing nothing nothing. It would be so beautiful.
 
And after I heard rumors of people who actually keep their kitchen like that, I was sold. I was going to be one of them.
 
And this kitchen had a nice big island counter. The type you have a love-hate relationships with. The one that’s a magnet to STUFF and looks amazingly refreshing when clear.
And it worked. For two days. Three days!
 
And then we unpacked.
 
But I was anti STUFF. All things had a place, and if it didn’t, then it was labeled STUFF and put far away from any surface.
 
A week went by. I was on a roll!
 
And then real life kicked in.
 
Kids made new projects. They got new coloring sheets. They colored and then piled it on the counter while they ran off.
 
Kids played with their valuables and needed a place to keep it “till they come back.” 
 
Scissors needed to be put up higher so little hands didn’t give themselves a haircut. Glue needed to go even higher so the dishes weren’t glued to the table. The top bookshelf was getting full.
 
And I needed to reevaluate my optimistic plan. But I didn’t want to give it up. The counters were so nice and refreshing when sparkling and clear.
 
True, it made cooking a pain in the neck! Nothing was at arm’s reach… and no one was eating fruit, it just wasn’t accessible enough…but still!
 
And that’s when I took a closer look at my piles of STUFF. My clutter on the bookshelves. The stuff on high surfaces. I examined it closely.
 
This was not merely STUFF. No, not at all! This was the sign of life!
 
The sign of people. Big and small. Active people. Little hands working on their projects. Little minds growing and developing. Adults busy with life. Busy nurturing and caring for their children. A kitchen where people eat in! Where food is cooked with love. And a lot of it. And often. And lots of signs around to show for it. Kids who trusted their parents with their “valuables” and therefore left them where they can watch them.
It didn’t have to be a war. It wasn’t a war!
 
There was another way to tackle it.
 
And at that moment I decided that I would attempt the “friendly relationship” tactic. Not a truce. Not a compromise. I was going for outright friendship.
 
wanted all that this represented. I cherished it. And if this was the outcome of getting what I wanted, well then, I would be best friends with it.
 
It’s still clutter. It’s still piles. And I still tell everyone to put their stuff where it belongs. But I am not at war. I will still tackle it, but with an appreciation for what it represents.
 
It’s a real home. A warm and loving, vibrant home. And I’m the one who can make sure my home stays like that.
Life in General

“…more than you’ll ever know.”

RM - COL Image: http://www.collive.com


Today is a very difficult day. My mind is numb, my heart is numb, my entire being feels numb.

A dear fellow Shlucha, Rashi Minkowitz, a young mother of a beautiful family, a young wife, a woman dedicated to reaching out to all those who came her way and share the joy of Judaism, passed away suddenly. She shared the same life goal as myself and many others like me.

From Facebook and any other forum informing of this tragic news, the comments are thousands. This is one woman. One mother. One Shlucha. One wife. One daughter and sister. Who impacted more people than she possibly ever imagined.

There aren’t adequate words to describe the emotions; the pain of her young children, the pain of her husband. No words suffice to describe the terrible loss and tragedy.

While my mind is numb, it is also racing. Racing with thoughts of what can I do to honor her.

Last week I got an email from a woman I know locally, someone I’ve had minimal interaction with. She wrote to apologize for her not being in touch or responding to my emails, explaining it is not personal and she is dealing with many challenges. And she is. I believe her. But it was the last line of her email that stayed with me:

“I respect you more than you’ll ever know.”

I thought about that line over the past week quite a few times; and today, in the hours after hearing about the sudden passing of such a wonderful, young, energetic mother, wife and role model, this last sentence rings in my ears.

“I respect you more than you’ll ever know.” 

I’ve said something like that on many occasions; we all use that line. And I can’t help but wonder; why don’t we let those whom we respect know just how much we respect them?

If we respect them so much, why don’t we tell them?

If we care so much, why don’t we make sure they know?

If they impact our life, why not communicate it to them?

If someone has made a difference to me, why don’t I share that with the person who made the difference?

We are constantly touched by people around us, people who encourage us, whether directly or indirectly. Do we tell them? Do they know?

We all want to make a difference. And we all want to be acknowledged and appreciated.

Do the people who have influenced my life, the way I am, what I believe in, my self esteem; do they know? Or do I silently appreciate them, “more than they’ll ever know.”

I don’t want to thank in silence anymore. It will take effort. At times it will take humility too. And sometimes it will even take stepping out of my comfort zone. Making phone calls that will take energy. But I want to let them know. After all, I would want to know too.

And while this doesn’t change the tragedy and pain, it gives me an outlet for my emotions.

And I hope Rashi knew how great of an impact she had on the world around her.

May her memory be for blessing.

Life in General, Motherhood

When your best plan falls short

shopping cart with kids

The downside of always planning out my day is that when things don’t go according to schedule, I don’t have much wiggle room to replan.

Last week I had it worked out to the minute; each week I have one slot of 2 hours during the day that it’s just baby and me and I can do whatever errands I need in a more efficient manner (than with the whole gang!).

So after a shopping trip to Smart & Final, figuring out precisely which containers/lids/trays/covers i needed for various upcoming events and making sure I got the right size for each container (not an easy feat!!) and stopping my not-such-a-baby baby from climbing out of the shopping cart a couple times, I was ready to pay and leave, and I was perfectly on schedule.

Until I reached into my handbag and discovered my wallet was not in there.

MY WALLET WAS NOT IN THERE!

I panicked, I froze, I worried, I rambled, I wracked my brains; did someone take it or did I leave it somewhere?

Of course my mind was blank, with my earliest memory being unloading the contents of my cart on to  the belt.

I did the first thing all frazzled moms/wives do in a fix; I called my husband. Just as I expected, he did not know the whereabouts of my wallet. Why would he?

The kind guy at the register smiled sympathetically (don’t want to know what he was thinking of this poor mom) and promised me he’d hold the cart till I get back with my wallet. The items were packed, rung up and all.

Only hitch; home was 27 MINUTES AWAY!

And home I did go; hopped in the car, got to the house, jumped out, quick scan of the closet I keep my bag in and what do you know, no menacing guy had been following me and grabbed my wallet at an unnoticed moment; it was right there on the floor.

Hop back in the car, quick plan of action. Pickup rest of the kids. Go to Smart & Final. Park at the door. Put on my hazards while I run in, pay, load the car. Should take 2.5 minutes, especially if there’s no line. And hopefully I wouldn’t get a ticket. Well, I wasn’t really parking in the no park zone. My kids would be in the car, I would be right there, seeing them the whole time. Perfect plan.

Picked up everyone, got to the store, parked the car. So far so good. Run into the store; different guy at cashier.

“Sir, where’s my cart?”

“Cart?”

“Yes, my cart full of stuff, it was right here and I told the guy I’d be back by 5 to pay.”

“Oh sorry Ma’am, we just put it all back.”

“You what?”

“We put it all back on the shelves.”

“Please tell me you’re joking, because that is not funny.”

“Sorry, ma’am, we put it all back.”

“You. Put. It. All. Back. ?!?!? Why???”

My head is splitting, I  see the kids in the car shifting around, the guy is looking at me un-helpfully and I realized this was not gonna work.

Back to car, collapse in my seat, and 6 pairs of eyes on me, asking at the same time, “Where’s the stuff, what happened, why didn’t you get everything??”

Deep breath, Deep breath.

I turn to see all the little faces; adorable little faces I didn’t feel like leading into the store.

“They put it all back.”

“OK, so let’s go in and get it all, we’ll help you!”

“Yeah, we’ll help!”

“Me too, I’ll be a helper!”

“We’ll behave!”

“I’m being-hayve-ing,” chimed in my three year old.

Quick mental calculation; take them all in with me and get it all done, or try to find another time that doesn’t exist in the next few days to redo this trip.

Deep breath.

“Ok guys, we can do it, but this is the plan.”

Bribe time. Any trick that works. Everyone gets a partner. Everyone would get a squeezy bottle of Orange Juice. No running. No touching. No screaming. Yes helping. And an extra special treat after for the helpers. And chips. And of course, everyone in the store will be so proud. And a quick lesson on everything happens for a reason and who knows why this happened; probably because someone needs to see these kids behaving so nicely.

“Yes, Yes, Yes!!” was the enthusiastic reply.

Park the car. Load the cart with as many kids as possible.

Pause, deep breath. Quick mental calculation; I needed to have realistic expectations.

They will not be perfect. They can’t be perfect. I know what it’s like in a big store. They will get distracted. They will touch things. They will ask me to buy things that I’m not planning to get. I will not lose it. I will stay calm. I will remind them what we’re shopping for. I can do it. It’ll be ok. It’ll be ok. IT’LL BE OK!

And as we walked in, the whole troop together, I caught site of the security video over the door. The kids all stopped to jump and make silly faces and watch themselves on the big screen.

I stopped too. Not to make silly faces; although it was tempting. But to see what we looked like. I don’t get to be the observer very often. As moms, we always get to be watched – stared at! (whether we like it or not!) but how often do we get to see what we really look like, what all the people are really seeing?

And I stood and watched. And made sure to smile. And smile until the stress signs weren’t visible; no, this did not have to be stressful. I looked at the cooky-cheerful kids in the video. What a happy crew! This was an adventure. I was not going to ruin it for them!

And we zipped through the store, me calling out directions, kids getting what we needed, me directing, them following (most of the time). Me replaying in my mind the scene on the big screen at the entrance,  and them replaying the silly faces and cheerful hellos to all passerby-ers – only they were doing it live, replaying it for whoever missed seeing it on the screen.

They were being kids. And they were being-hayve-ing.

Life in General

Woes and wows of Social Media

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To disconnect or not to disconnect; that is the question.

The conversation must come up at least once a week, if not more.

It’s crazy this Facebook stuff, it’s taking over my life.

It intrudes on family time.

Social media is just way too much in your face.

I must disconnect.  I’ve got to disconnect.

I really want to just unplug.

Y’know what, I’m going to cut myself off from it all.

Go to pre-smart phone days.

I can’t let this take over my life.

It’s ruining my family…

And all of it is true; these are the woes of the amazing leaps of technology. I grew up in a time when IM was way cool; having a conversation with someone over the computer! Facebook and Whatsapp have taken things to a new level; in just three seconds flat, I know exactly what each of my friends across the globe have made for dinner (leaving me either feeling smug with my menu or feeling incompetent for not being able to be as gourmet as they are).

I know the second someone passed a test, bought a new dress, binged on something they shouldn’t have eaten and when some random friend of a friend is having “a romantic dinner with hubby.”

Yes Facebook has taken over our lives, our privacy, our sanity, our ability to think clearly and believe in ourselves and just to be.

It has taken “keeping up with the Jonses” to a whole new level.

And when I finally wind down at the end of the day, for goodness sake, how did they know I was looking for new slippers and a phone charger- the two adds that keep popping up all over the place?!

Oh the woes of us as people, social media, life as we knew it and our future.

And just before you are ready to call it quits and unplug…

Oh the wows of Facebook and social media; I live a plane ride away from the rest of my family, yet I know what my nephews latest school project, my niece’s favorite outfit, the amount of snow on my parent’s front porch, and I get to a live feed of photos at family events. I no longer feel so far.

I have support from friends and instant advice when I’m in a fix or just need to vent.

And when I’m shopping for slippers or a phone charger, it’s right there for me in the sidebar, all the best prices, saving me unnecessary time of getting in the car, driving to a store etc and all the time that goes into one measly shopping trip.

Social media has changed the hopes and dreams of many young optimistic entrepreneurs without money or backing, but creativity alone; if theoretically speaking, in my spare time I came up with a new invention (like a robotic pacifier finding device for midnight under-the-crib search parties) I can market and brand myself and build up a whole business.

No talent has to go to waste and no expensive equipment is needed.

Someone going through any type of life challenge, has an instant support group at their finger tips; just Google and find it.

And those of us in the raising kids business have a wealth of info accessible to help us do our job best.

No more being alone. No longer can one be uneducated; it’s all there at your fingertips.

So what takes it from woe to wow?

My choices.

Like everything in life.

Medication is good, unless I abuse it.

Food is good, unless I abuse it.

Most things can be used for good; if I chose to use it that way.

And Facebook, Whatsapp and all the rest can be used for the good, unless I abuse it.

I will not blame Facebook or social media; it can only get in where I allow it.

Disconnect entirely? I don’t think I can ever do that but neither do I want to.

Work on self control and setting limits? Like with everything in life, that’s the secret to success.