“…more than you’ll ever know.”

Image: http://www.collive.com

Today is a very difficult day. My mind is numb, my heart is numb, my entire being feels numb.

A dear fellow Shlucha, Rashi Minkowitz, a young mother of a beautiful family, a young wife, a woman dedicated to reaching out to all those who came her way and share the joy of Judaism, passed away suddenly. She shared the same life goal as myself and many others like me.

From Facebook and any other forum informing of this tragic news, the comments are thousands. This is one woman. One mother. One Shlucha. One wife. One daughter and sister. Who impacted more people than she possibly ever imagined.

There aren’t adequate words to describe the emotions; the pain of her young children, the pain of her husband. No words suffice to describe the terrible loss and tragedy.

While my mind is numb, it is also racing. Racing with thoughts of what can I do to honor her.

Last week I got an email from a woman I know locally, someone I’ve had minimal interaction with. She wrote to apologize for her not being in touch or responding to my emails, explaining it is not personal and she is dealing with many challenges. And she is. I believe her. But it was the last line of her email that stayed with me:

“I respect you more than you’ll ever know.”

I thought about that line over the past week quite a few times; and today, in the hours after hearing about the sudden passing of such a wonderful, young, energetic mother, wife and role model, this last sentence rings in my ears.

“I respect you more than you’ll ever know.” 

I’ve said something like that on many occasions; we all use that line. And I can’t help but wonder; why don’t we let those whom we respect know just how much we respect them?

If we respect them so much, why don’t we tell them?

If we care so much, why don’t we make sure they know?

If they impact our life, why not communicate it to them?

If someone has made a difference to me, why don’t I share that with the person who made the difference?

We are constantly touched by people around us, people who encourage us, whether directly or indirectly. Do we tell them? Do they know?

We all want to make a difference. And we all want to be acknowledged and appreciated.

Do the people who have influenced my life, the way I am, what I believe in, my self esteem; do they know? Or do I silently appreciate them, “more than they’ll ever know.”

I don’t want to thank in silence anymore. It will take effort. At times it will take humility too. And sometimes it will even take stepping out of my comfort zone. Making phone calls that will take energy. But I want to let them know. After all, I would want to know too.

And while this doesn’t change the tragedy and pain, it gives me an outlet for my emotions.

And I hope Rashi knew how great of an impact she had on the world around her.

May her memory be for blessing.