Author: littleyellownotepad

Motherhood

A defining moment of Mommyhood

littleyellownotepad

Smiling boy with lunch clipart

There are some moments of Mommyhood that I call defining moments.

They are moments when everything you stand for and believe in, moments when everything you put your energies into, are suddenly on the edge.

When all you live for is about to tumble down on your head.

If you’ve had any of these type of heart pulling and nerve wracking moments, you’ll know what I’m reffering to.

Which brings me to adorable little boy #3, my 4.5 year old. He’s a charmer. Big puppy eyes, always happy, always having fun. He’s had a total of 3 tantrums in all his toddler years. He’s the life of the party. Ok, he’s also mischievous, rambunctious and at times a downright troublemaker.

It was because of this charming little boy that I installed a chain lock high up on my front door; he was a runner. In simple English that means, if the door opened, he was down the block. Laughing and squealing, of course. He was the only one of my kids (so far!) that pushed me to strongly consider buying one of those kiddy leashes.  Truth be told, even a dog leash. But as I said, a charmer indeed. And he has helped me reach many a defining moment, with the most recent taking place last week.

I came to pick up my little guys from an after school activity. All the kids were having fun. Moms were hanging around talking.

And then it happened.

Right in front of everyone’s eyes.

Sweet little two year old girl was standing minding her own business. And rambunctious 4.5 year old squealed by swinging his lunch bag. And I saw the glint in his eye. It’s a .01 second spark that those in tune with it (like me) can pick up on, but can’t sop in time.

And then he did it.

He. Hit. Little. Girly. On. The. Head. With. His. Lunchbag.

In. Front. Of. All. The. Moms.

I saw it. So did the other moms. I couldn’t defend him. I couldn’t deny it. And I couldn’t disappear, either.

If it was someone else’s kid, sure I’d know how to react. I’d laugh it off to the mom and tell her not to sweat it, kids are kids. I’d swoop up my little girl and sympathize that her head got a bit of a bang. And I’d reassure her that no, lunch bags are not for hitting. The little boy made a wrong choice.

But that wasn’t the side of the coin I was on at the moment. I was on the wrong side.

There I stood, in my defining moment. As a mom, As an adult. As a friend. As a person.

All the pages of the mommy books swam before my eyes, all my life experience as a mommy rushed through my head, and there I stood; little girly screaming, mischievous boy waiting for mommy to react and all the moms very un-casually half watching.

What now? Look the other moms in the eye and smile? Frown and admit failure?

Quite the humbling moment, watching your own kid starting the trouble.

And then I got myself together. It was a defining moment. A moment that defined my love for my adorable and rambunctious 4.5 year old.

A moment that allowed me to take him  by the hand and lead him away calmly, but not to be angry at him.

A moment to understand him, love him, admonish him, discipline him and hug him, all at the same time.

Certainly a defining moment of the paradoxical relationships that comes along with the wonders and joys of  Mommyhood.

Life in General

Woes and wows of Social Media

littleyellownotepad

Image

To disconnect or not to disconnect; that is the question.

The conversation must come up at least once a week, if not more.

It’s crazy this Facebook stuff, it’s taking over my life.

It intrudes on family time.

Social media is just way too much in your face.

I must disconnect.  I’ve got to disconnect.

I really want to just unplug.

Y’know what, I’m going to cut myself off from it all.

Go to pre-smart phone days.

I can’t let this take over my life.

It’s ruining my family…

And all of it is true; these are the woes of the amazing leaps of technology. I grew up in a time when IM was way cool; having a conversation with someone over the computer! Facebook and Whatsapp have taken things to a new level; in just three seconds flat, I know exactly what each of my friends across the globe have made for dinner (leaving me either feeling smug with my menu or feeling incompetent for not being able to be as gourmet as they are).

I know the second someone passed a test, bought a new dress, binged on something they shouldn’t have eaten and when some random friend of a friend is having “a romantic dinner with hubby.”

Yes Facebook has taken over our lives, our privacy, our sanity, our ability to think clearly and believe in ourselves and just to be.

It has taken “keeping up with the Jonses” to a whole new level.

And when I finally wind down at the end of the day, for goodness sake, how did they know I was looking for new slippers and a phone charger- the two adds that keep popping up all over the place?!

Oh the woes of us as people, social media, life as we knew it and our future.

And just before you are ready to call it quits and unplug…

Oh the wows of Facebook and social media; I live a plane ride away from the rest of my family, yet I know what my nephews latest school project, my niece’s favorite outfit, the amount of snow on my parent’s front porch, and I get to a live feed of photos at family events. I no longer feel so far.

I have support from friends and instant advice when I’m in a fix or just need to vent.

And when I’m shopping for slippers or a phone charger, it’s right there for me in the sidebar, all the best prices, saving me unnecessary time of getting in the car, driving to a store etc and all the time that goes into one measly shopping trip.

Social media has changed the hopes and dreams of many young optimistic entrepreneurs without money or backing, but creativity alone; if theoretically speaking, in my spare time I came up with a new invention (like a robotic pacifier finding device for midnight under-the-crib search parties) I can market and brand myself and build up a whole business.

No talent has to go to waste and no expensive equipment is needed.

Someone going through any type of life challenge, has an instant support group at their finger tips; just Google and find it.

And those of us in the raising kids business have a wealth of info accessible to help us do our job best.

No more being alone. No longer can one be uneducated; it’s all there at your fingertips.

So what takes it from woe to wow?

My choices.

Like everything in life.

Medication is good, unless I abuse it.

Food is good, unless I abuse it.

Most things can be used for good; if I chose to use it that way.

And Facebook, Whatsapp and all the rest can be used for the good, unless I abuse it.

I will not blame Facebook or social media; it can only get in where I allow it.

Disconnect entirely? I don’t think I can ever do that but neither do I want to.

Work on self control and setting limits? Like with everything in life, that’s the secret to success.

Motherhood

They keep staring at me!

littleyellownotepad

Image

They keep staring at me.

Go away!

But I can feel their eyes on me. All of them. Big and small alike.

C’mon, I worked so hard today, can’t you cut me some slack?! Do you know what I DID today?

Served a total of 20 something meals
cleaned the counters 12 times
handed out 9 band aids
refereed 6 fights
crawled around on my hands and knees looking for some miniscule and precious red Lego diamond
swept the floor 4 ½ times (got called away in middle of the fifth round due to some urgent business)
almost did 5 loads of laundry (I kept heading that way but never got there)
and that’s just to name a few!!

Apparently they don’t care, They’re still staring. I can swear they’re talking about me.

Just go mind your own business!

Nope, looks like they like my business better.

Can’t you guys just work things out between yourselves? Pick on someone your own size!

They’re still staring; mocking me. They’re not giving in.

The dirty dishes in the sink just won’t go away. They’re on my case. and they won’t let up.

I turn my back, a trick I learned from my kids.

But just like with my kids, it’s not working!! They still see me!

I march over to the sink and assert my authority. I rearrange the dishes so that none are sticking over the top.

There, much better. Now leave me alone.

Nope, they won’t go away.

I can hear them continuing to scornfully talk about me.

Your phone is more important than us? Can’t you put that thing down?

Yes, my phone is more important than you!

And I leave the room. This is my house; I will decide when to do my dishes.

Motherhood

How a customer service rep made me a better parent

littleyellownotepad

Customer service

The caller ID said North Carolina. Hmm, I don’t know anyone from there. I picked up the phone with a cautious hello.

“Can I speak to M—— or L—— ?” said the professional voice.

I nearly dropped the phone. Who wants to speak to my 9 year old and 6 year old?

“Is this 9**-***-***2? Do I have the right number?”

“Yes, you do. What’s this concerning?”

“We’re calling from Blackboard Collaborate. They downloaded the 30 day free trial and we want to see if they are happy with the service.”

I nearly laughed out loud. No, I would not share their age!

“Thank you for the call… Yes its working fine… They will call you if they need help… Thank you for your concern.”

And I hung up. And finally laughed out loud.

You see, my children attend a unique school – it’s all online! The Shluchim Online School is a religious school that affords them the ability to access high-level Jewish education even when it’s not locally available.

It’s quite different than attending a “regular” school, its all online. Yes, in a classroom; with rules and permissions and a whiteboard and friends, just that they’re on webcams and across the globe. It’s truly a marvelous use of technology. And the kids learn and love it too.

Now, the platform the school uses to run this program is Blackboard Collaborate, which I now know is based in North Carolina.

And so when the kids “hang out” with their friends across the country and play “School”, they cleverly figured out how to make their own online classroom. It is the “in” thing with their friends; download a free 30 day trial of the platform and you get to run the show! Once you have your own classroom, you can invite friends and rule the room! Oh the joy the kids get from being able to control the classroom, turning off each other’s mics and webcams.

And to think this poor company in North Carolina imagines that they have dozens of potential customers downloading their trial software when in truth, its a bunch of third graders!! I kinda felt bad for them; perhaps business wasn’t quite as good as they thought!

But hey, maybe they did know they were dealing with kids. Maybe they were just efficiently serving these little guys with great customer service. The way they treat everyone else, they were treating them like real people!

That got me thinking: They may be little people now, but people indeed. Adults of the future. They have ambitions and concerns. Sure they’re mischievous and limits-pushing too! And precisely at those challenging moments, I take a deep breath, zoom out and remember the bigger picture; these little guys will be successful adults one day.

And that helps me navigate the chaos that comes along with getting them there.

This leaves me wondering; what type of customer service do I offer my children?

When my 9 year old excitedly reports he wants to be an engineer for Lego because he knows the ins and outs so well, do I follow up with him, motivate him, like the Blackboard Collaborate reps did?

When my 6 year old thinks he’ll be a world class juggler because he can throw (but not catch!) juggling balls; do I even offer him a trial period?

When my 4 year old wants to vacuum the house (which really is NOT a help!) do I give him a chance or brush him aside?

Yes, I do think the Blackboard Collaborate guys have it right; our kids deserve the best customer service.

Behavior & Discipline

I can’t control my kids. (And I won’t.)

littleyellownotepad

IMG_20140216_214021

Whose kids are they anyway?

I catch my husband’s eye and sigh in annoyance; can’t someone control these guys?

My husband gives me a knowing look and nods, sharing my frustration. Where are the parents?

But I look around at the crowd and see that it’s pretty obvious; the secret is out, and I can’t pretend much longer. After all, they kinda do look like their father.

It’s our monthly community dinner and it’s apparent that everyone, my  kids included, are enjoying themselves. One is lounging under the table, one is eating chummus with his fingers, oblivious to the guy sitting near him. Hmm, I notice his seatmate leaning as far away from him as possible…I don’t blame him, looks like his suit is dry clean only. Brothers 3&4 are in middle of a game of who-can-finish-all-the-soda-in-this-room-first. Thankfully the two little ones are home with the babysitter!

Yes, they’re mine, and I’ll take care of it.

Can I control them?

Actually, no, I can’t control them. More accurately, I don’t want to control them.

I want to teach them.
Guide them.
Discipline them.
Love them.
Reprimand them.
Praise them.
Kiss them.
Hug them.
Influence them.
Motivate them.
Be a good role model for them.
Listen to them.
Talk to them.

But I won’t control them. I won’t control my kids.

There are many things in my life I do control; like my laptop. When it’s acting impudent or pushing my patience, I control it. With a click of
the lid, I snap it shut and I win. I control it.

When my oven starts overdoing my food, I just hit cancel and ta da, its off. I’m in full control.

When my phone rings and I’m not talkable, I swipe the decline icon and just like that, I control my phone.

I have higher expectations for my kids; I want them to be successful, passionate adults. I don’t want them to grow up and be little gadgets or robots; ones you can control by switching them on and off.

I want them to thrive. I want them to be people.

And so I won’t control them.

But I will continue to teach them to eat chummus with a spoon.