I remember the day the biggest ball dropped.
I didn’t actually drop it – it kind of landed from above.
Onto our Shabbos table.
My husband and I were hosting a journalist for a Shabbos meal; she wanted to do a column on our newly founded Chabad House and having her over seemed to make sense.
There were signs the ball was going to drop, but we missed them. Primarily, kids giggling and squeeling at the stop of the steps.
And then it was launched – the big exercise ball that was supposed to stay in my bedroom had been rolled out and it landed squarely on the Shabbos table.
Thankfully it was a rubber ball and it bounced; but not without leaving some damage in its wake.
It was one of my most humbling moments in parenting, and also one that I learnt the most from.
Life is a juggling act, but the balls we juggle are not all the same. Some are made of rubber and some are made of glass; the finest crystal. When dropped, rubber balls bounce back undamaged; glass ones can break and they need much more care.
It takes vulnerability, humility and a lot of honesty to know the difference between the two.
Organized closets, sinks clean of dishes and fancy dinners – they’re rubber balls. Let go of it for an hour, a day, a week or even a month – they’ll bounce back when you’re ready, unharmed and as good as new.
Quality family time, a calm home, personal needs? Glass balls. We pay a steep price if we let them go.
Always focus on the glass balls, they’re much harder to repair if they fall.
And at that moment on that Shabbos afternoon, I had a new visual for bouncing rubber balls.
Elul is all about cheshbon nefesh and reevaluation – and that’s a perfect season to do some inventory on our juggling; on our glass and rubber balls.
Because as we make our way through the year, in the mess and noise of every day life, it can become easy to confuse which ball is which.
We get a fresh start in Tishrei, which makes it the ideal time to ensure that we haven’t downgraded a glass ball to rubber or the opposite.
While everyone’s Tishrei may look different from a distance, there’s one thing we all have in common; Tishrei requires a lot of active involvement, particularly if you’re the mother. Some days simply don’t have enough hours to do what needs to be done.
My Rosh Hashanah starts with a community dinner, followed by 2 kiddush lunches at shul and another dinner at my home. There’s moving into a hotel for Yom Kippur – between moving the whole Shul, shlepping pre and post fast meals, and packing clothing, it’s far from as glamorous as it sounds.
Succos is a pileup of meals and more meals and if we want to actually show up with our whole self by the time Simchas Torah rolls around, it takes planning, mindfulness and prioritizing.
Tishrei is so full of meaning and purpose – the better prepared, the more fulfilling and enriching the Tishrei journey will be.
And there are real ways to make that happen! Here’s a few suggestions; let them jumpstart your brainstorming of how to thrive this Tishrei season.
1.Regardless of what you do all year long, come Tishrei, disposables are your friends. Food storage containers, plates, cutlery.
Its a question to ask yourself; do I want to spend this month washing dishes and food containers? Or would I rather invest my time somewhere else? It’s a choice. But it requires knowing what’s a rubber ball (using china) and what’s a glass ball (the mother – and how she feels after washing dishes meal after meal, which usually means going to sleep too late.)
2.Tried and proven recipes. Tishrei is not the time to experiment with new recipes. That’s good for a random Tuesday in July. It’s a time for tried and proven, the foods your family likes to eat and the foods you like to cook.
Start the process with a menu dump – take a day in Elul, sit down and just write down every food you typically make for Shabbos throughout the year. Think of ones you randomly make. Think of your favorites.
Once you’ve got a big list, categorize them by dips, fish, salad, main, side and dessert (or whatever categories work for you.)
That’s your options list. Keep it handy as you plan the meals.
Most importantly, don’t poll other people for their menus unless you truly and sincerely want it!
And if you do – be intentional who you ask.
For example, if you’ll be cooking for Yom tov with a baby in your arms, don’t ask someone who is at a completely different stage and actually cooks with two hands and no little helpers.
There’s a few meal staples that I know will guarantee my kids will eat, and so it’s included in each meal. For us, it’s olive dip and cucumber salad. Make sure to include yours. Fancy menus are a rubber ball…doable menus and well fed kids keep the most important glass balls intact.
3. On your menu dump page, circle the things that last longer in the refrigerator and make them in advance and in bulk. Doing one extra thing on random days in Elul can take 15-20 minutes, and clear much more time than that on Erev Yom Tov.
Dressings and many dips are things that are easy to make in bulk and have a long refrigerator life. You can make 10 pounds of olive dip in 20 minutes with the food processor and store it in the back of the refrigerator for the whole tishrei. (Granted, anything in bulk requires more refrigerator space; if that’s not an option, ignore this one.)
4. You, the mother, are a glass ball; a fine crystal one. Take care of yourself. Make sure you eat and sleep.
Plan your cooking schedule and then take a minute to think of what you’ll be eating throughout the day. Skipping meals is never good for anyone, and when a mother does that – the kids often pay the price.
Keep wholesome foods handy that you can grab as a snack, things that are ready to eat and don’t need prep. If you intend to have a cooking marathon day, plan to have some protein shakes and yogurt in the refrigerator or other such foods; things that ensure you’re not running on empty and actually fill your tank – and be aware when your engine light goes on!
It’s much easier not to neglect yourself when you have food on hand that you can eat that won’t interrupt your cooking. And make sure you are factoring in your sleep. Your crystal ball doesn’t react well to a lack of food or sleep.
6. Minimize peeling and cutting. Unless you have kitchen help, this eats up a lot of time. When you’re making meals back to back, every minute spent peeling and chopping adds up. And all those minutes steal valuable time from something else.
When I see the word dice in a recipe, my heart rate goes up. There’s minimal time for dicing in a kitchen marathon, unless you have cooking staff.
Look for recipes that don’t need much TLC –
For salads: bags of shredded cabbage, shredded carrots, slivered almonds, sunflower seeds, cherry tomatoes, craisins, canned mandarin oranges, fresh sliced mushrooms, ramen noodles – just some ideas of things that don’t need extra attention and can minimize chopping time.
For sides; baby potatoes, rice with ready sliced mushrooms, quinoa. grilled vegetables with vegetables that don’t need peeling and are good with big pieces, small colored carrots – all these eliminate extra kitchen time and let you reserve your TLC for your family.
6. Most importantly – the mother’s energy sets the tone for Tishrei for the whole family. Does that sound like an overwhelming responsibility?
Perhaps it is – and it’s also a tremendous privilege.
A gift that Hashem gave to us women. A gift that requires tapping into it, in order to feel it. Buy yourself something special for Yom Tov; it doesn’t have to be big or expensive. Something you like. A salad bowl, a dish towel, a dress or a salt shaker. It’s not about price; it’s about having something tangible to connect yourself with this great responsibility and privilege.
When mommy shows up with joy and lightness, when mommy makes sure her crystal ball is shining, the house shines.
You can make the fanciest food for Yom Tov, but it’s the atmosphere in the home that elevates it all.
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This was first printed in Nshei Chabad Newsletter Tishrei 5787
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