Life in General

Woes and wows of Social Media

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To disconnect or not to disconnect; that is the question.

The conversation must come up at least once a week, if not more.

It’s crazy this Facebook stuff, it’s taking over my life.

It intrudes on family time.

Social media is just way too much in your face.

I must disconnect.  I’ve got to disconnect.

I really want to just unplug.

Y’know what, I’m going to cut myself off from it all.

Go to pre-smart phone days.

I can’t let this take over my life.

It’s ruining my family…

And all of it is true; these are the woes of the amazing leaps of technology. I grew up in a time when IM was way cool; having a conversation with someone over the computer! Facebook and Whatsapp have taken things to a new level; in just three seconds flat, I know exactly what each of my friends across the globe have made for dinner (leaving me either feeling smug with my menu or feeling incompetent for not being able to be as gourmet as they are).

I know the second someone passed a test, bought a new dress, binged on something they shouldn’t have eaten and when some random friend of a friend is having “a romantic dinner with hubby.”

Yes Facebook has taken over our lives, our privacy, our sanity, our ability to think clearly and believe in ourselves and just to be.

It has taken “keeping up with the Jonses” to a whole new level.

And when I finally wind down at the end of the day, for goodness sake, how did they know I was looking for new slippers and a phone charger- the two adds that keep popping up all over the place?!

Oh the woes of us as people, social media, life as we knew it and our future.

And just before you are ready to call it quits and unplug…

Oh the wows of Facebook and social media; I live a plane ride away from the rest of my family, yet I know what my nephews latest school project, my niece’s favorite outfit, the amount of snow on my parent’s front porch, and I get to a live feed of photos at family events. I no longer feel so far.

I have support from friends and instant advice when I’m in a fix or just need to vent.

And when I’m shopping for slippers or a phone charger, it’s right there for me in the sidebar, all the best prices, saving me unnecessary time of getting in the car, driving to a store etc and all the time that goes into one measly shopping trip.

Social media has changed the hopes and dreams of many young optimistic entrepreneurs without money or backing, but creativity alone; if theoretically speaking, in my spare time I came up with a new invention (like a robotic pacifier finding device for midnight under-the-crib search parties) I can market and brand myself and build up a whole business.

No talent has to go to waste and no expensive equipment is needed.

Someone going through any type of life challenge, has an instant support group at their finger tips; just Google and find it.

And those of us in the raising kids business have a wealth of info accessible to help us do our job best.

No more being alone. No longer can one be uneducated; it’s all there at your fingertips.

So what takes it from woe to wow?

My choices.

Like everything in life.

Medication is good, unless I abuse it.

Food is good, unless I abuse it.

Most things can be used for good; if I chose to use it that way.

And Facebook, Whatsapp and all the rest can be used for the good, unless I abuse it.

I will not blame Facebook or social media; it can only get in where I allow it.

Disconnect entirely? I don’t think I can ever do that but neither do I want to.

Work on self control and setting limits? Like with everything in life, that’s the secret to success.

Motherhood

They keep staring at me!

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They keep staring at me.

Go away!

But I can feel their eyes on me. All of them. Big and small alike.

C’mon, I worked so hard today, can’t you cut me some slack?! Do you know what I DID today?

Served a total of 20 something meals
cleaned the counters 12 times
handed out 9 band aids
refereed 6 fights
crawled around on my hands and knees looking for some miniscule and precious red Lego diamond
swept the floor 4 ½ times (got called away in middle of the fifth round due to some urgent business)
almost did 5 loads of laundry (I kept heading that way but never got there)
and that’s just to name a few!!

Apparently they don’t care, They’re still staring. I can swear they’re talking about me.

Just go mind your own business!

Nope, looks like they like my business better.

Can’t you guys just work things out between yourselves? Pick on someone your own size!

They’re still staring; mocking me. They’re not giving in.

The dirty dishes in the sink just won’t go away. They’re on my case. and they won’t let up.

I turn my back, a trick I learned from my kids.

But just like with my kids, it’s not working!! They still see me!

I march over to the sink and assert my authority. I rearrange the dishes so that none are sticking over the top.

There, much better. Now leave me alone.

Nope, they won’t go away.

I can hear them continuing to scornfully talk about me.

Your phone is more important than us? Can’t you put that thing down?

Yes, my phone is more important than you!

And I leave the room. This is my house; I will decide when to do my dishes.

Motherhood

How a customer service rep made me a better parent

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Customer service

The caller ID said North Carolina. Hmm, I don’t know anyone from there. I picked up the phone with a cautious hello.

“Can I speak to M—— or L—— ?” said the professional voice.

I nearly dropped the phone. Who wants to speak to my 9 year old and 6 year old?

“Is this 9**-***-***2? Do I have the right number?”

“Yes, you do. What’s this concerning?”

“We’re calling from Blackboard Collaborate. They downloaded the 30 day free trial and we want to see if they are happy with the service.”

I nearly laughed out loud. No, I would not share their age!

“Thank you for the call… Yes its working fine… They will call you if they need help… Thank you for your concern.”

And I hung up. And finally laughed out loud.

You see, my children attend a unique school – it’s all online! The Shluchim Online School is a religious school that affords them the ability to access high-level Jewish education even when it’s not locally available.

It’s quite different than attending a “regular” school, its all online. Yes, in a classroom; with rules and permissions and a whiteboard and friends, just that they’re on webcams and across the globe. It’s truly a marvelous use of technology. And the kids learn and love it too.

Now, the platform the school uses to run this program is Blackboard Collaborate, which I now know is based in North Carolina.

And so when the kids “hang out” with their friends across the country and play “School”, they cleverly figured out how to make their own online classroom. It is the “in” thing with their friends; download a free 30 day trial of the platform and you get to run the show! Once you have your own classroom, you can invite friends and rule the room! Oh the joy the kids get from being able to control the classroom, turning off each other’s mics and webcams.

And to think this poor company in North Carolina imagines that they have dozens of potential customers downloading their trial software when in truth, its a bunch of third graders!! I kinda felt bad for them; perhaps business wasn’t quite as good as they thought!

But hey, maybe they did know they were dealing with kids. Maybe they were just efficiently serving these little guys with great customer service. The way they treat everyone else, they were treating them like real people!

That got me thinking: They may be little people now, but people indeed. Adults of the future. They have ambitions and concerns. Sure they’re mischievous and limits-pushing too! And precisely at those challenging moments, I take a deep breath, zoom out and remember the bigger picture; these little guys will be successful adults one day.

And that helps me navigate the chaos that comes along with getting them there.

This leaves me wondering; what type of customer service do I offer my children?

When my 9 year old excitedly reports he wants to be an engineer for Lego because he knows the ins and outs so well, do I follow up with him, motivate him, like the Blackboard Collaborate reps did?

When my 6 year old thinks he’ll be a world class juggler because he can throw (but not catch!) juggling balls; do I even offer him a trial period?

When my 4 year old wants to vacuum the house (which really is NOT a help!) do I give him a chance or brush him aside?

Yes, I do think the Blackboard Collaborate guys have it right; our kids deserve the best customer service.

Behavior & Discipline

I can’t control my kids. (And I won’t.)

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Whose kids are they anyway?

I catch my husband’s eye and sigh in annoyance; can’t someone control these guys?

My husband gives me a knowing look and nods, sharing my frustration. Where are the parents?

But I look around at the crowd and see that it’s pretty obvious; the secret is out, and I can’t pretend much longer. After all, they kinda do look like their father.

It’s our monthly community dinner and it’s apparent that everyone, my  kids included, are enjoying themselves. One is lounging under the table, one is eating chummus with his fingers, oblivious to the guy sitting near him. Hmm, I notice his seatmate leaning as far away from him as possible…I don’t blame him, looks like his suit is dry clean only. Brothers 3&4 are in middle of a game of who-can-finish-all-the-soda-in-this-room-first. Thankfully the two little ones are home with the babysitter!

Yes, they’re mine, and I’ll take care of it.

Can I control them?

Actually, no, I can’t control them. More accurately, I don’t want to control them.

I want to teach them.
Guide them.
Discipline them.
Love them.
Reprimand them.
Praise them.
Kiss them.
Hug them.
Influence them.
Motivate them.
Be a good role model for them.
Listen to them.
Talk to them.

But I won’t control them. I won’t control my kids.

There are many things in my life I do control; like my laptop. When it’s acting impudent or pushing my patience, I control it. With a click of
the lid, I snap it shut and I win. I control it.

When my oven starts overdoing my food, I just hit cancel and ta da, its off. I’m in full control.

When my phone rings and I’m not talkable, I swipe the decline icon and just like that, I control my phone.

I have higher expectations for my kids; I want them to be successful, passionate adults. I don’t want them to grow up and be little gadgets or robots; ones you can control by switching them on and off.

I want them to thrive. I want them to be people.

And so I won’t control them.

But I will continue to teach them to eat chummus with a spoon.

Life in General, Motherhood

A Facebook-worthy Family Photo

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Just about every friend out there has one. And If you’re one of the few who doesn’t, I’m sure you go to sleep at night feeling like you’re the only one out there who can’t get it all together.

Well, I was  one of the inadequate few who didn’t have the Facebook-worthy photo to brag about; until about a month ago.

Truthfully, I’m usually on top of the annual family photo and we do it every summer. But although it was 18 months later, and there was a new member of the family since then, I still recalled the details of that photo shoot too vividly. Kids running in all directions, bribes, threats and finally plea bargaining…

We had gotten our Facebook worthy photo and left, with a silent promise that the next family photo would be at my oldest son’s wedding (he was 7!).

Well, that all changed last month.

I was feeling the pressure; we needed a family photo. And an outdoor one at that. Besides for the beauty of the outdoors, a bonus would be that we wouldn’t be disturbing other families (whose kids were always so well behaved!) from their photo session.

So we set a time and place, a darling pond across the street from my home; and a dear, talented, photographer friend offered to take our photo.

Picture day arrived. All was going well until it was time to get dressed. I gave all the boys their required white shirt/denim pants. Within two minutes, they were dressed and ready to go.

And then it was time to tell my daughter what she’d wear. I had it all worked out. With just me and her as the girl team, I chose clothing we had similar. It would be so cute! Apparently, she didn’t think it was cute.

She chose that moment to give me a prelude to her teenage years.  After all, the boots I suggested were so uncomfortable. The skirt was too straight, she couldn’t run in it. (You’re not supposed to run while taking family photos!!) The shirt was her least favorite. The socks were itchy. And the bow pulled at her hair.

And there I found myself once again bribing, begging and plea bargaining…

My Facebook-worthy photo was crumbling before my very own eyes.

I compromised…and compromised…and compromised…reminding myself that this was a battle not worth fighting.

And off we went to meet the rest of the crew. They were already assembled at the pond. A quick team meeting; laying out some rules, expectations and rewards. And then my husband and I put on determined smiles, because we were committed to making this enjoyable.

The photographer told everyone to smile, and two of them frowned.

He said everyone lean in, and one leaned out.

Everyone hands around each other, and three ducked out of the photo.

Everyone look at the camera, and the baby looked the other way.

And then they wandered off to throw pebbles in the pond. I was sure one of them would end up in the pond.

But they were having fun!

We tried a walking photo. Not much interest.

A running photo – that went over well.

The kids were clearly done. Our photographer assured me he had some good shots.

They went back to running. Through the grass and up the hill. And then back to throwing pebbles. Watch the camera! Careful of the equipment! But clearly they were making good memories.

And boy was I surprised when the next morning I saw an email from the photographer with a Facebook-worthy photo!

And like all good moms do, I posted it for the world to see. And I watched the likes go up. And the comments.

And marveled how easy it is to fool each other with our Facebook-worthy photos.

We all do it. We post photos that hide the reality.

If only those photos could talk and tell us the truth. What REALLY went on in those moments before and after the photo.

Now that would be posts worth reading, posts that would brighten our day!