Author: littleyellownotepad

Last year I didn’t pack up Pesach. 

While I lay in the trauma ICU, awake but oblivious to my surroundings, my husband and kids packed up all my carefully chosen Pesach items and put them back into storage. A task I usually oversee, a task I was not part of last year. My future was unclear.

This year, I feel so privileged. Privileged to be unpacking all my pesach stuff, piece by piece, as I set up the kitchen for this exciting and hectic holiday. Privileged to be on my feet all day cooking. Privileged to be stressed about Pesach. And I’m looking forward to the privilege of putting it all away too.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel the privilege and sometimes it takes a lot of internal work and focus to get in touch with it.

The reality is, that Pesach always is a privilege, but somehow between the endless cleaning, preparing and cooking, the feeling is completely disguised by sheer exhaustion and to do lists that only get longer instead of shorter.

Continue reading “This Pesach is different; here’s why.” →

One of my kids once asked me, “Why do we hardly have any sleepovers? Can we go on a sleepover?

I looked at my 8 year old and I said, “We are so lucky, our whole life is one big sleepover!”

And that’s the truth. Being the mother of 9 boys and 2 girls ka“h, my children have stretched my limits in ways that I never imagined, including living the life of one big sleepover! They’ve taught me that my job as a mother is not to make them into who I want them to be but rather to embrace who they are, as they are, the way Hashem created them. They are not my report card and it’s not about me; they each have their own talents and strengths, my job is to help them use it to succeed.

I never imagined I’d be the mother of a baseball team or nearly a minyan. But what I’ve learned on the job has made me who I am. Granted, boys don’t whine. But there’s plenty of other stuff they do that’s not for the faint of heart. I love pink, bows, dolls and dollhouses. After the fourth dollhouse was once again used as a stool and parking garage and dolls were missing too many limbs too many times, I came to terms with the fact that I had to learn their game. And really that’s how it all is; to be there for each of them is to learn their game. To try to understand life through their eyes and value their strengths, so that I can help each child succeed.

Continue reading “Don’t follow someone else’s ideas!” →

Her clothes are getting dirty!! 

I’ve learned over the years that kids (especially little boys) get dirty and I’m mostly OK with it and don’t get bothered. This is different; my little baby girl in her girly girl pink clothes is crawling on the floor and she’s getting dirty. It’s very noticeable on light pink clothes. Finally having a baby girl after 16 years since my first girl and 9 boys later, I vowed that this little girl will only know pink. I’ll be honest; I didn’t ask her opinion on it, this is purely to satisfy my needs which is to buy a lot of pink. And I admit to going a little overboard. But in my excitement I hadn’t anticipated this issue; for 6 months her clothes were pristine and clean and gorgeous. And now she started crawling. On her stomach. It’s pretty cute. But she’s getting dirty. Filthy!

I take a deep breath and weigh out my options.

She can have dirty pink clothes. Ughh. That’s going to drive me crazy. And it’s so not cute.

Continue reading “She’s getting dirty!” →

It’s Erev Shabbos Chol Hamoed, I have a to do list that outnumbers the alphabet, my Housekeeper decided this was a great week to go on vacation (I do not think this was coincidental… I was also tempted to take the week off!) and I’m pausing … not just because I hold the monthly pictures ritual in high priority – but to really acknowledge and take stock of what’s going on around me.

Yes, 6 months is a big deal for the milestone blanket … and yeah I got a little carried away dressing Mushka… but 6 months marks a lot more. 6 months ago today is a day I don’t remember, but all my family and friends do. Third day Chol Hamoed Pesach. The joy of Mushka’s birth followed by the fear and terror that followed it with my medical crisis.

These 6 months have been like nothing else … from being completely immobile to slowly regaining strength, from Trauma ICU to Acute Rehab to home… to a night nanny for Mushka, home health nurse 3x a week for me, dinners delivered for 3 months, being tethered to a wound VAC and then slowly downsizing my household staff and taking my place back …planning from A-Z and then celebrating my son’s Bar Mitzvah just five weeks ago to where I stand today in the kitchen – unpacking my multiple Instacart orders while keeping an eye on the pots on the stove, putting chicken in the oven, cutting vegetables and making cakes and being surrounded by my (overtired!) kids, my husband is out with some of my boys on the Sukkah mobile, bringing the joy of Sukkot to people’s doorstep … and I’m as overwhelmed and joyful and stressed as anyone else running this Tishrei marathon – but here’s where I pause.

Continue reading “Happy 6 months!” →

Full disclosure – it was actually Isru Chag. Since Chol Hamoed Succos was busy with our Sukkah mobile, we planned our Chol Hamoed trip to be delayed. Same planning strategy, same rhythm.

Thursday morning, as Isru Chag dawned, I was right on schedule and got straight to work googling – I knew what type of place I was looking for, something super cool and fun and exhilarating for kids ages 1-16, with more focus on the big kids that it should be up to par. After all, considering that we now had three kids in school a plane ride away, these trips didn’t happen as often.

I found the ideal place within minutes! Rappeling, zip line, rope course. Outdoors, gorgeous weather, it was all perfect! I couldn’t help but feel pleased with my quick work.

I tried to book online but it kept giving me an error, so I called the place. And they told me they were closed until Sunday.

Bummer. Back to google. One place opens at 4, another is closed on Thursdays.

Continue reading “Just another Chol Hamoed Trip…” →