This Pesach is different; here’s why.

Last year I didn’t pack up Pesach. 

While I lay in the trauma ICU, awake but oblivious to my surroundings, my husband and kids packed up all my carefully chosen Pesach items and put them back into storage. A task I usually oversee, a task I was not part of last year. My future was unclear.

This year, I feel so privileged. Privileged to be unpacking all my pesach stuff, piece by piece, as I set up the kitchen for this exciting and hectic holiday. Privileged to be on my feet all day cooking. Privileged to be stressed about Pesach. And I’m looking forward to the privilege of putting it all away too.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel the privilege and sometimes it takes a lot of internal work and focus to get in touch with it.

The reality is, that Pesach always is a privilege, but somehow between the endless cleaning, preparing and cooking, the feeling is completely disguised by sheer exhaustion and to do lists that only get longer instead of shorter.

This year, I feel it in every part of me. It is not taking much effort.

My food processor, my mixer, my serving bowls – things I had the privilege of using last year during the first days of Pesach and many items that I didn’t. They all immediately ignite the feeling.

I’ll be honest – feeling the privilege doesn’t mean I’m walking around singing and dancing while the clock strikes midnight and I still have more to do. I’m exhausted at times and overwhelmed at other times – like any other person making Pesach. Who are we kidding; if you’re making the whole Pesach you are going to be overwhelmed. It’s impossible not to be. And that is absolutely fine. Life is filled with overwhelming moments and experiences, always.

Feeling the privilege of making Pesach doesn’t mean it cancels every other feeling. It means that the other feelings can stay on the surface, and it’s that much easier to not let them seep in and do damage.

This year I have direct access to the feeling of privilege; every single thing I do reminds me of my last Pesach experience and my gratefulness overflows.

I imagine next year I’ll probably need some chocolate, coffee and a lot more to keep the privileged mindset. This year it’s easy.

I missed the the second half of Pesach last year. Sometimes you don’t miss a privilege until you lose it.

The truth is, I was always privileged; I just didn’t necessarily take the time to feel it. And the reality is, we are all privileged. 

Every year, we are privileged to be part of the chosen nation, gifted with the Torah and this beautiful, overwhelming and sometimes stressful but powerful Yom Tov of Pesach. Slow down and try to feel it. Make it the buffer between feeling overwhelmed and enjoying the Yom Tov. Pause and take a deep breath when you feel like you’re losing it and try to feel the privilege. Even for just one second. You’d be surprised what it can do for you.

In just one week, on Chol Hamoed, my baby Chaya Mushka turns one year. I’m counting down to celebrating with my husband, kids and extended family who are visiting, feeling thankful, grateful and privileged.