Every mother’s elusive dream.
Every mother’s nightmare.
It doesn’t matter what number child it is, the mere mention of the words strike fear of incompetence in the heart of every mother.
Why is everyone else’s baby sleeping and mine doesn’t?!
It doesn’t matter how many books you read or what method you believe in, the reality is that there is no shortcut.
Every mother dreams of that day when she can walk into the room, eliminate the step of rocking and jumping and dancing and nursing the baby to sleep and rather just lovingly place the baby in his/her crib, give the baby kiss, and walk out.
And so, after all my studying, reading, clinical trials and as I embark on the journey of sleep training my 9th child ka’’h, I’ve compiled my own method of sleep training; this method combines all the tried and proven techniques that promise you the sleep of your dreams by just being calm and making the magic work.
Some methods only work if both parents don’t work, have nowhere to go and there are no other children at home, leaving the parents days and weeks to dedicate to this daunting task. When trying this particular method, you may find that the roles will be reversed; your baby will be happy with all the extra attention and you will be the one crying. You and your husband.
Other methods encourage sleeping in your baby’s room to monitor their baby’s sleep patterns and non-patterns, but considering the mother’s already sleepless life, I did not think that this type of bonding would be a positive experience either
There’s always tears. The difference is if it’s the mother’s or the child’s.
I present to you:
The Non-Cry Cry-it-out Method
It works. Fool proof. Guaranteed. The only thing that’s not certain is at what age it will finally click, but it will definitely be between the range of 4 months-14 years.
No one wants their baby to cry. Babies shouldn’t cry. Babies want the comfort and trust of knowing they’ll be answered when they are in need. And that leads us to the million dollar question.
How is a mother supposed to know when the baby is crying because they are in need of a basic need or in need of sleep?
Sleep is a need.
So when a baby is crying because they are tired, they need to go to sleep.
So the cry is not a cry.
Let me say that again, and this time read it slowly.
Letting your baby is cry is answering your baby’s needs, so the cry is not a cry. It is a non cry.
Hence the name of the method, The Non-Cry Cry-It-Out method.
The first step is, believe in your gut feeling. If you feel your baby is ready, then your baby is ready. (Interestingly enough, scientific evidence has proven that this usually coincides with when one or both parents are ready.)
Start by setting up your baby training station.
You will need:
And iPod or iPad, or any gadget with WiFi
High quality earbuds
1 tub of your favorite ice cream
3 bars of chocolate of your choice (preferably dairy)*
A watch, clock or phone
(*There is no low-carb replacement for this method. I apologize.)
Begin by getting your baby ready for sleep, carefully explaining to your baby in a loving and soothing voice that there will be a new night time routine. Explain the changes are for his/her good. Explain that there will be no more rocking and jiggling and jumping and dancing until he/she falls asleep.
Say Shema and any other nighttime songs softly and soothingly, so the baby gets the vibe that this is all done with love and because you love him//her.
Gingerly and slowly lay baby down and leave the room.
Eat one bar of chocolate.
Check the clock, add five minutes and that’s the next time you will check on your baby. Remember, unless your baby already knows how to tell time or has a natural tendency to punctuality, the five minutes can be approximate.
If your baby cries, despite the clear communication you provided, it is not a regular cry. It is a Non-Cry cry, because it is a cry that they need sleep and not going in is giving them the tool and skill they need.
This is not a cry of feeling abandoned or forgotten; the Non-Cry Cry-It-Out method vehemently disagrees with the cry-it-out method, which leaves a baby alone crying, only checking in periodically. The Non-Cry Cry-It-Out method encourages the mom or dad to go check in on the child at set intervals, so the mom or dad can encourage and support their baby to find those hidden skills of falling asleep on their own.
Do not pick up up your baby. Pat your baby gently, reassuring your child that you are there. Stay for a few brief moments and then leave the room.
Some methods believe that patting your baby may trick them into thinking that you will pick them up and only worsen the crying. With this method, we do not believe it is a problem. You are simply training your baby that patting is just as good as holding your child, a skill they will need for life, especially through the toddler and elementary school years.
Check the time, add ten minutes (approximately) and that will be the next time you check in on your baby.
Eat a few heaping spoonfuls of ice cream and put in your earbuds, selecting whatever form of media that will refocus your attention.
When the time is right, one parent should make their way back into the room, shushing as you go, creating a warm and pleasant sound to distract your baby from their Non-Cry crying,
Sending positive vibes isn’t enough. You need your child to feel it and more so, hear it.
Look at the clock, and add 15 minutes. That will be the next time you check. The Non-Cry crying-like response to the need to sleep may have stopped already – and at that point, all the remaining chocolate and ice cream should be consumed, in celebration of this victory and milestone.
Once phase 1 is complete, the same process is repeated for phase 2,3,4 etc of wake-up times during the night, until the day comes – and it will come!- that your child will sleep through the night. It will happen. Definitely between the ages of 4 months – 14 years.
And that is the complete Non-Cry Cry-It-Out Theory and Method.
Now if you’re reading all this and trying to make sense out of it because your child is one of those gifted children that are born knowing how to sleep through the night, then this is all not relevant for you.
But there is something you can do to help the sleep deprived segment of society.
Next time you find yourself sitting with another mom, whether it’s at the doctor’s office, the park or passing each other while shopping at Target – and you see those eyes, those sleep deprived eyes of a mother who clearly hasn’t slept more than 2 hours straight in months, and she asks you the questions; Does your baby sleep through the night?
Do me a favor and LIE. Just LIE. Yes, I’m telling you to lie. For the health and well being of this fellow mom, it is OK to lie just this once. Tell this mom that your baby is up all night. Say you are sleep deprived. Say you need to sleep train your baby and you don’t even know where to begin. Say all the things that will make this poor sleep deprived mom feel that she is not the only failure.
Because the only thing worse than a baby who wakes up every hour is speaking to another mother whose baby sleeps through the night. Trust me, I speak from experience.